Monday, September 17, 2007

Worries away

The last two weeks that passed hasn't been good for me. I got flu, and so did Jada. And instead of us spending the weekend playing and bonding, we ended up bonding with the doctors and nurses 'coz I rushed her to the nearest hospital.

Now, I got to appreciate the need to own an HMO. For emergency cases like this. Lately, Jada's been getting a little "sickly". She's either on fever, LBM or allergies. I've been taking care of her personally because I thought it's just her way of "diverting" my attention. But it's different this last time she got ill... I really cried while I was carrying her in my arms. Her fever was on 40°C and she's sleeping as if she's not breathing anymore. Even if I tried waking her up, she just kept her eyes close and the meds were not helping her.

I just wept silently so as not to draw attention to us. And prayed. I don't know what came over me... all I thought back then was that I was a big failure. I wasn't able to provide her complete family and good home. If things would get worse, I was ready to let go of her if that's what God wants for us. But I know if that will happen, I might as well go with her.

After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and hold my cheek. And smiled. I just hugged her tight then. And then, the doctors sent us home because her test got negative result. Hayyy, now I know how it feels to be in hell and in heaven at the same time.

I'm so over-dramatic, I know. But you can never control your feelings especially if it involves the person you love so much.