Wednesday, May 30, 2007

My little darling Jada

I just love her!.. words can't describe my love for my daughter. And there are times that I just wanna cry simply by looking at her-- because I'm happy. She's my happiness.

How I love her laugh, her smile, her "kakulitan", her antics, her tiny little fingers, her thighs, her feet... EVERYTHING!

I want to give her everything... all that I can have in my power-- just for her.

I promise to be a good mommy, my Jada. I'm expecting nothing in return from you but love and respect. Always remember that there's nothing in this world that you can do that mommy won't forgive.

If one day mommy have failed you-- in any way, do always remember that mommy is not perfect. But my love for you is...

How can I earn money while sleeping?

It's rainy days again... isn't it fun just to stay indoors and just stay on bed all day?

Oh... just wishful thinking. I'm not rich and don't have the right to be lazy. Let me also add that I've got a lot of expenses and never-ending debts to pay. And there's Jada. With these reasons, I can't afford to be lazy.

Now, why isn't there a decent way to earn money while you're doing nothing? hmm...

Monday, May 28, 2007

Finding our "Way Back Into Love"

This movie theme song is just sooo nice...

I've been living with a shadow over head
I've been sleepin' with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just cant seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time, to clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody to get me through the night
I could use some direction, and I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart again
I guess I'm hopin' you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if its real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration, not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I cant make it through without a way back into love
and If I open my heart to you
I'm hopin' you'll show me what to do
and if you help me to start again
you know that I'll be there for you in the end

Sunday, May 27, 2007

I'll miss you Roche

I was checking my daughter's friendster and boy was I so excited to received a message from one of my ever best friend Roche. Only to find out that she'll be leaving for Singapore anytime next month for greener pastures. Yeah, she'll be earning a lot which is good for her and my godson Kyle. However, I'm really sorry Roche but I am not totally that happy... because I'll be missing you so much!!!

I'm not prepared. We may have petty misunderstandings, but she's one of the friends that I treasure so much. The sister I never had.

We've been friends since year 2000. To be exact, twas February 14. I was single then... and dateless (lols). So instead of going home and watch my housemate havin' smoochy-coochy moments with her bf, I used my work PC and try to make myself happy (talking about "productivity" here, hehehe) by chatting.

Inside the MSN chatroom, there was this guy who's Über confident and you can really feel that every single girl in that chatroom dislikes him. Then there was this girl who sent me an IM sharing her disgust for the guy. We, together with 3 other girls, conspired against booting the guy out of the chatroom. And that started our friendship.

She's been my shoulder during those times I needed someone to cry on. My critic if there's something with what I did that needed criticism. My gimmick buddy. She laughs at my corniest jokes. Sometimes my enemy as well (especially if both of us have bad moods).

We're both single moms, but now she's got her boyfie and I got mine, too. We sometimes tell other peeps that I'm Kyle's father and we laugh.
And now, she'll be leaving.

I'll definitely miss you mommy Roche. See you after 2 years. *sob*

Saturday, May 26, 2007

I'm beginning to hate Security Guards

Another "security guard" incident. And same place, Megamall. Why do they have to be such idiots? Excuse me for the word, but I really think that the guard I just had squabbled with this morning is an "idiot".

I was so hungry and at the same time craving for McDonald's breakfast meal. I woke up late, and headed straight to my photoshop class. Good thing (or so I thought) it's canceled-- with reasons I've to find out next Saturday. So I hurriedly went to Megamall with two objectives:(1) to have my breakfast; (2) to buy Jada's water after my breakfast.

I alighted at bldg. B and McDonaled's is at bldg. A and it's still 15 minutes before the store opens. Meaning, I have to cross the other side from the outside walkway. It's a long walk and it seems like an obstacle course which I have to finish just to get to the goalie. And since there are ongoing renovations at the Megastrip, I regret that I have to ignore the "no jaywalking" sign and did like what the other people have done-- crossed the street with ropes that blocked the aisle.

Yehey, at long last I arrived at McDonald's and ordered big breakfast. The place was crowded and the only seats left are those situated outside the store. However, the roll-up doors are still down and there's this security guard who opens and closes it for those who wishes to go in and out of the store. There were already people using some of the tables outside so I thought I can also dine outside. One customer, with her order on her hands, has been assisted out by this infamous guard. He lifted the roll-up doors and let the lady go out. When it's already my turn, he pulled the doors down and told me that I just have to share seat on one of the tables inside. That they don't allow anybody to eat on the tables outside. WHAT?! I was thinking why the hell did you let those other people go out and eat? He told me that they were already from the mall and he just let them in to order. Excuse me, the mall has not yet been opened for outsiders but only for tenants. And they don't look like tenants to me.

This son-of-a-biyatch guard really wouldn't let me out and just ignored me. What I just don't get is why he would let others go out and not me? If he's thinking that I would stroll outside, well how can I if I've got a food tray on my hands? And, didn't he notice that I'm more into eating at that time than checking out closed shops?

So I called the attention of the store manager and asked her to let me out because there were no vacant, clean tables for me to use. And as simple as that, she let me have my way. And the security guard just have this smirk on his face.

Never in my vocabulary have I wanted to discriminate anyone or anybody of lower class (and now I did!). But I hope that
person of this kind, a security guard, should know when to implement rules and when to be considerate.

Short tempered me

Just this evening at the Megastrip... while I was finding the best way for me, Jada and my youngest sib to get a ride home, a security guard blocked our way and asked (using his I-am-the-man-here voice):"Ma'am, san kayo pupunta?" But I just ignored him and looked away... thinking it's the best scheme to have my way. However, he just repeated what he said. It really irked me. And so I turned my back-- but you know me-- I just couldn't let him have the last word. So before I head back to the building, I turned my head and told the guard "Kayo ang pahirap sa mga pasahero dito. Nakita mo nang me dala akong bata, gusto mo pa dun ako sa mauulanan kami. *&%^$#@" Grrrr. And you know what made me more mad?! He just laughed at me.

And my poor brother! All I did the whole time we're walking was scold him. I know I was so rude to this helpless guy already but the more I control it, the more it gets uncontrolled! Counting one to ten doesn't suppress my anger... for what I saw in his face just made my temper rose up to 40ºC. He's complaining about his achy feet (which hasn't been an issue whenever he wants to hang out) and Jada being heavy in his arms. My goal at that time was to go home before the rain pours down again. And that helped me shut up... I just walked as fast as I could while carrying Jada.

After 30 minutes, we're home... dry with a few drops of rainwater.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Upside Down

Whenever Den and I have unresolved "arguments" (aka LQ), hell breaks loose! I want to pick a fight with almost everyone and everything. Ok, I know it sounds foolish but I just think that the world is so unfair to me. Why it's just so hard to be happy with the person who makes you happy? Why is it so easy to argue than to admit that at one point, you're both wrong that's why things heat up? And why is it hard for Den to speak up his mind (which always makes me jump to wrong conclusions)?

Now, with 2 Minds Crack's Upside Down-- this is just exactly... absolutely how I feel when something goes wrong. After hearing this, my hopes have been recharged again... that everything will be just fine.

If this doesn't load properly in firefox, try this in IE. ;)

In search of the ultimate white ballet flats

Everytime I passed by a mall and whenever there's a chance for me to check out the shoe section, I always hope and pray (OA na ba?!) that I'll find the right pair of shoes that would fit my personality and my budget (note: most important factor). Sad to say but until now, I'm still unlucky. Poor me... all I want is a pair of white ballet shoes but how unlucky can I be! All I have right now is a pair of slippers. Which also means that I have to be conscious that my toenails are always clean.

Maybe some of you might ask, why "white ballet shoes?"

Well, white looks neat. And I'm a neat freak. White compliments any kind of color. Hence, I can mix and match it with any color of dress/clothes that I wear.

Why ballet shoes? For comfort. My legs can't stand heels. And since I'm not used to wearing heels, I also have this fear that I might tripped-off while I stroll.

Now, where art thou my precious ballet shoes?

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Love Moves in Mysterious Ways

It's such a happy feeling to love and be love. As they say, Love is a roller coaster of emotions. One point you're in a high and at some point you'll be in your lowest mood.

After a year and so number of months of being away from my ex, here we are again-- back in each others arms and trying our best to start all over again. No problem with me (or so I thought). The culprit: insecurity. I have never, ever been insecure before when it comes to our relationship. But then again, that was before... before we parted ways.

I admit, I have never felt like this before with other guys. Dati, pag iniwan ako-- 'pwes kalimutan na at never will I be in a relationship with the same person again. I don't dwell on old relationships-- except with this one. I don't know why. Questions that come into my mind... Is it because we have a lovechild? Maybe... Or, is it because I really have love him blindly that I choose not to see his imperfections?

It's never easy to rekindle old flames burning. Nor it has been easy to just forget what happened before. But I'm trying, for the sake of real love and family.

We make plans but then love demands the leap of faith

Sad but true... if you don't believe that it's working-- it ain't really gonna work out. So baby I hope everything's worth it... the second time around.

Where to start...

I know it's an exaggeration if I say that right now my life's in a mess (again!)...

For some of my old and closest friends, they're living witnesses of my life's ups and downs. Most common subject: FAMILY. Most common reason: my MOTHER. I won't go into the details anymore. But all I can say is that if only God will permit me to choose or change my parents, I'll grab that chance right away. As the old Filipino proverb goes, mahirap talagang magpalaki ng magulang. I can't take any more pain and hatred. I don't want to live in the dark side of life.

Now that I'm a mother myself, I'll try my very best not to commit the same mistakes my parents did. 'Coz it's the child that suffers a lot and not them... Of course I had my share of faults, too. Nobody's perfect. But I have always been responsible facing the consequences. And most importantly, I never have let my parents share my sufferings.

So help me God to start anew...

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

My First Blog

O divah!!!

This is my first ever official blog (aside from multiply and fwenster')... thanks to my ex-boss Joy... she recommended that I should start having one kasi pwedeng pagkakitaan ($$$ ka-ching ka-ching $$$)... I just have to be flowery with words and be expressive (plus medyo ma-chika) so that my blog would attract viewers... and now, I'm thinking of more add-ons pa... till my next post