Saturday, September 20, 2008

No Air

I can't sleep right now. My mind's a bit tired already. I'm so much of a worrier. I am thinking of him again. I'm also thinking of work and my "critics."

I don't know why I still love him. I apologize for being so stupid. I am very much jaded that I can't get over the fact that we're over years ago. And he is with another girl. Everytime I look at our kid, it is him that I see. I can truly say that it's genuine love I feel for him and our kid. However...

He doesn't love me anymore. But my heart won't stop loving him. And I know I should. I'm just stubborn. I should avoid attending their family gatherings even if they insist that we should be there. I must stop. The more I get attached to his family, the more my expectations and hopes grow. Yes, his love for our kid is there and will always be there. But his love for me ended years ago. And even if he says he'll come back to us after he fulfills his dreams... still I shouldn't hold on to that promise. A promise which he himself is not sure of. And I must stop. Wake up.

Now at work, I don't know why I keep on getting punished by some of our bitter ex-employees. As if they didn't do anything wrong. And I don't know why I can't do my job without getting criticized. And why don't they just shut-up. I worked so hard even depriving myself of rest and quality time with my kid... but they just want me down. Envy. This is the only reason why they do this. Please, just work and prove your employer that you are trustworthy. Because I have done so. That's why I am here.

Forgive me for ranting. I just need to breathe these worries out. So help me Lord.