About Forgiving

My uncle's wife just died this Monday. Honestly, I don't feel anything for her when I learned what happened. She did something "bad" to us in the past. I have forgiven her, but I just can't forget how she treated me and my siblings during the time we needed help. It's gonna be always in my memory bank and part of the hard lesson learned.

I pray for her soul. And for my mother's soul as well. Hep, it's not what you think! My mom's still alive. However, she finds it hard to forgive my late aunt. She even uttered a few unkind words with regards to her. My brother even tried to advice her to let go of the past and just forgive her since she's already dead. I know... it's not healthy for her or for anyone to hold grudges from the past. But that's how she is, sad to say.

I know she needed help. Seriously. Now I know why she's living at the dark side of of life. I came to realize I will never be like her, don't want to be like her... I want to live peacefully. Even if life has been unkind to me most of the time, still I know that my wheel of fortune will eventually turn and luck's gonna be on my side again.

It's hard to move on... but it's much harder to move forward if you'll be carrying excess baggages as you go on the journey of life.

Dancing Tight

Another one of my favorites (from way back then...) Enjoy!

Dancing Tight by Phil Fearon and Galaxy

(Dancing tight
Gonna squeeze you all night
Dancing tight
Gonna squeeze you all night)

Hey, you, looking out of your window
I've been watching you for so many days
Now I'm feeling brave enough I'm wanna ask you
Can I take you out, hey, what do you say?

I'll be throwing pebbles up at your window
So make sure that you're ready when I call

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night)
Dancing tight, I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Hey, girl, what do you say?

You say you've never been dancing
Well just you watch me girl then you'll know what to do
It's easy when you feel the beat and the rhythm
'Cause that's the thing that makes your body move

Oho, we'll be gently swaying through the evening
'Till the early hours of the morning

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night)
We could be dancing tight, I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Hey, girl, what do you say?

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Gonna rock you 'till the morning tight
(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
Gonna squeeze you all night

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Gonna rock you 'till the morning tight
(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
Gonna squeeze you all night

Right now
We could be the greatest dancers around
Baby, don't you let me down
We could really have a night on the town
Baby, don't you let me down

Don't let me down, girl, don't let me down
Don't let me down, girl, don't let me down

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Hey, so get some dancing shoes on
(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night) Gonna rock you 'till the morning tight

(Dancing tight) I ain't gonna let you go
(Gonna squeeze you all night)

In-Laws

Others might disagree with me... but I don't find it hard to love my "in-laws". We get along well, as far as I'm concerned. Before, I was hesitant and having doubts that I won't be welcome anymore after what happened with me and with "him". However, we just get closer. I feel that their love for my daughter is genuine. And much as I would like to stay as far as I can from them, I'm finding it hard to deprive them of my daughter.

I know I've had my share of faults. However, they still accept and acknowledge that I'm "his" wife and would introduce me as such to other people. Well, only time can tell when I'll forgive him for what he has done to our family... but I'm still thankful for him... for his family's warm reception towards us. Even though Jada doesn't have a complete family, she still can enjoy her extended family.

I love them so much... like my own.

Hard Habit To Break

Just saw this from ASAP awhile ago and I love this version... now I'm beginning to like Jed Madela :-)

Hard Habit to Break by Jed Madela and Gary V.

I guess I thought you'd be here forever

Another illusion I chose to create
You don't know what 'ya got until it's gone
And I found out a little too late

I was acting as if you were lucky to have me
Doin' you a favor I hardly knew you were there
But then you were gone and it all was wrong
Had no idea how much I cared

Now being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
But I don't want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
It's the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to 'ya babe
You're a hard habit to break

You found someone else you had every reason
I know I can't blame you for runnin' to him
Two people together but living alone
I was spreading my love too thin

After all of these years
I'm still tryin' to shake it
Doin' much better they say that it just takes time
But deep in the night is an endless fight
I can't get 'ya out of my mind

Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don't want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
Its the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break

Oooh

I can't go on
(Just can't go on)
I can't go on
(Just can't go on)

Being without you
Takes a lot of getting used to
Should learn to live with it
I don't want to
Being without you
Is all a big mistake
Instead of getting any easier
Its the hardest thing to take
I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break
Such a hard habit to break

I'm addicted to you
You're a hard habit to break
Such a hard habit to break
I'm addicted to you baby

Bonding moments with Jada

Jada and I spent the weekend with my officemates in one of the executive rooms at Linden Suites last Friday. Actually, it's our class' prize for winning from the PPHD launch held two weeks ago at Phi Bar. I know our class will win, for we got our own class' version of "Destiny's Child/Pussycat Dolls"... even they're not full-pledge girls (if you know what I mean!). Anyhow, they're super talented and our Kiwi bosses like their performance sooo much. So, the credit really goes out to them. Nikki, our Kiwi trainor, bought our class 6 boxes of pizza as her treat for making her class win.

I decided to take her along with me so that she can get some fresh air and comfortable bed to sleep with even for a night even though she's a bit unwell last week. Almost every two weeks, Jada's either got a fever, colds, cough or all. Too bad, I don't have HMO yet since I'm still under proby status with the new company. Our house is too small and we can't afford to squeeze-in her own toddler bed. The ventilation is not good enough as well, which I think is the main reason why she's always had cough and colds.

Going back, she had her fun at the jacuzzi. I know it's gonna do good for her because of the warm water. But then, I never imagine that I can spend time with my friends, with my daughter tagged along and have so much fun at the same time.

Old Photographs

I miss this moments!!!

Hell Hole

I'm trap
In this dark pit
How can I get out
Could somebody save me from sinking?

Or is this just a nightmare
Somebody then wake me
Slowly suffocating
Or is this a prelude to dying?

Worries away

The last two weeks that passed hasn't been good for me. I got flu, and so did Jada. And instead of us spending the weekend playing and bonding, we ended up bonding with the doctors and nurses 'coz I rushed her to the nearest hospital.

Now, I got to appreciate the need to own an HMO. For emergency cases like this. Lately, Jada's been getting a little "sickly". She's either on fever, LBM or allergies. I've been taking care of her personally because I thought it's just her way of "diverting" my attention. But it's different this last time she got ill... I really cried while I was carrying her in my arms. Her fever was on 40°C and she's sleeping as if she's not breathing anymore. Even if I tried waking her up, she just kept her eyes close and the meds were not helping her.

I just wept silently so as not to draw attention to us. And prayed. I don't know what came over me... all I thought back then was that I was a big failure. I wasn't able to provide her complete family and good home. If things would get worse, I was ready to let go of her if that's what God wants for us. But I know if that will happen, I might as well go with her.

After a few minutes, she opened her eyes and hold my cheek. And smiled. I just hugged her tight then. And then, the doctors sent us home because her test got negative result. Hayyy, now I know how it feels to be in hell and in heaven at the same time.

I'm so over-dramatic, I know. But you can never control your feelings especially if it involves the person you love so much.

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I'm planning to get Jada something useful from Baby Center Store since I'm also a member of that website. They've got good offers for mommies like me who strictly budgets every single cent spent even if it's for their little precious ones. And as for me, well... I don't know yet. But I think I'll check out Dell's website for computer parts.

It's high time to try online shopping to avoid holiday rush, don't you think?!

First Post for September

No time to blog at home. My PC died two weeks ago (huhu!) and my internet is already disconnected (blame it for being 3 months jobless)... but good thing, I can still visit my blog every now and then using the office PC.

The opps available in PPP are not of my interest. Even the opps from my essay job are not within my field and knowledge, too. The home based job that didn't pay me doesn't have alternative work to offer me as of now. Hayyy, no opportunities to earn extra.

I'm loving my work bit by bit everyday. The customers are not hard to deal with. The kiwi bosses are a-OK (much better than Pinoy trainors, they're lenient and straight-forward but helpful and understanding)! And just today, got to be a bit g-lish when I notice that the guy sitting beside me is "cute" (hahaha, high school!). Well, I saw him everyday but we belong to a different class. And today the trainor assigned me to take the seat beside him which is empty. He helped me, lend me his pen (uh, thank goodness I don't have one hahaha) and very friendly. But you know, being the reserved me-- I just smiled back and kept quiet (pa-cute, in other words!). Small talk. Made me conscious of my accent and my look so I hurried to the powder room. Great! Buti na lang I wear skirt. Nyahaha, crush na itoh!

Now, I'm looking forward going to work everyday. Sorry, I'm back in high school (lols).